i dreamt that i was in an unfamiliar city, trying to get to a park about a mile and a half away. i was in someone else’s house, and there was a kid who was waiting for me to take him with me to the park. i repeatedly looked at the gps map to ensure i knew how to get there: the route changed a few times, but the general direction i understood. besides, the city was laid out as a grid, so it would be impossible to get seriously lost. despite this, i couldn’t muster the courage to head out; i kept reading a book that described what to expect on this short journey, hoping to know as thoroughly as possible how to achieve my goal without making any efforts myself. the kid grew increasingly impatient with me; i continued reading this book, checking the map, feeling confident that i knew where to go, only to lose nerve as i started towards the door, returning to my reference materials. by the time i awoke i still hadn’t left the house.
sometimes dreams require close examination with a trained psychoanalyst to tease out their significance. other dreams don’t let their details stick around long enough for their import to come fully into the waking mind. this dream i understood almost immediately upon waking.
something i’m trying to come to terms with is how significant horror is to me and my taste. i never thought of myself as a big fan of horror films. most horror films i find stupid, irritating, not even particularly scary, and besides, i don’t particularly enjoy the experience of being scared the way some people seem to. but as i’ve gotten older i’ve recognized that many of my favorite narrative works do exist somewhere on the horror spectrum: david lynch isn’t a surrealist so much as he’s an unalloyed horror storyteller who recognizes that there’s nothing so horrifying as the unknown; i will sometimes say that the texas chainsaw massacre is my favorite movie of all time; the works of hp lovecraft, shirley jackson, and edgar allan poe have become increasingly important to me (which is atypical for these idols of adolescent fascination).
horror humor and beauty are the three faces of the goddess Art; creating things that give glimpse to all three visages is the highest of aesthetic pursuits, in my humble opinion.