sadness accompanies any realization that the ideas you once held were in fact snags along the trail. of course it’s easy to lament how things might have gone had you come to see the errors of your thinking sooner. go ahead, feel the regret. that’s the sense of allowing distinctions that no longer work dissolve. but do not fall into a crisis merely because your thinking was mistaken. is it not a great blessing to come to see the true way forward? one not free of snags but that you can better feel yourself aligned with, so that navigating starts to be a matter of allowing the path run through you, not you over the path.

that’s not to say that the path will be clear. confusion still reigns. you may awaken in the night, lost and distraught. just remember that you are the source of your own misery.

(hopefully I’m coming to settle into some more sustainable working habits. something’s happened, and I’m shedding lots of hang ups that prevented me from writing with any enjoyment. it was always a slog, because I was comparing myself to my models, or because I thought things had to be done a certain way, or because I expected a first draft to come out impeccably. but now, I’m allowing myself to work slower, with less rigid expectations, treating novel writing as I would filmmaking, from notes/drafts/outline all the way through post-production. as a result, I’m totally adrift as far as knowing how it’s all going, other than knowing I’m for once actually eager to work, rather than filled with dread.)