presently I’m on the edge of falling headlong into this writing project I’ve been prepping for and inching towards for almost 3 years now. when I think through what I believe is required of me to pull off what I want, slash when I consider what I think will ultimately come of the extraordinary effort (nothing), I can’t help but hesitate. every artist of real ambition wants on some level for their art to matter to the World, and anxiety over literature’s ineffectiveness in a culture dominated by mass media and besieged by threats of terrorism, nuclear war and now climate change has been a recurring theme in most of the English-language fiction produced since 1960. so even if ideally I want my work to reach out and grab people by the lapels, it would benefit me if I focus primarily on frantically shaking my own self and hope the effort helps someone else down the line. how I’ll get other people to care about it I don’t know, because if I’m being candid, publishing seems basically impossible.
so with the Con column appearing to outweigh the Pro, I consulted the I Ching about what I ought to know given that it seems inevitable I will ultimately write this thing. the hexagram I threw is hexagram 49, with the top Yin and bottom Yang lines changing to Yang and Yin, becoming hexagram 33.
hexagram 49, ko, translates as “revolution” or “molting.” the commentary emphasizes the need for old forms to be shed to make way for new, though only at moments when such transition is inevitable. sort of like a classical Marxist’s belief that the spirit of history calls comrades to action, as though history were one of the Fates. leaving aside my distaste for strict Marxism, with its fabulist eschatology, this hexagram feels apropos of some of the ways I’m conceiving of this project for myself. namely, I’m viewing the novel as a technique for change, an ethical endeavor with the aim at bringing about a different way of being. without delving too deeply into specifics, saved for the actual writing, I need to figure out: how to avoid making comprises despite knowing some compromise will be unavoidable; how to live a more full life, ie how to reject the givens of the reigning repressive Reality Principle; how to escape the chains of the internet without renouncing the obvious benefits it provides; how to not spend all my time doing shit I don’t want to do.
ko calls for a deliberate, methodical approach when faced with an irreformable situation, because timing is of the essence. wanton or reactive flailing will not lead to radical transformation, only ruin. this aspect seems especially important when considering that the hexagram in this throw is becoming hexagram 33, or tun.
tun translates as “retreat.” but this is not the retreat of defeat, nor a flight made out of fear. destructive, overpowering forces advance, but through a considered withdrawal at the opportune moment, strength is demonstrated. both these hexagrams emphasize the importance of proper timing, which I’m not sure what to make of: will the time for [whatever action] make itself apparent? the idea of retreating to fortify makes sense, because I recognize that what I’m attempting to grapple with is liable to overwhelm me at times. but will the retreat be the result of the radical transformation suggested by hexagram 49? or will periodic retreat be an essential part of the process of revolution? I am both encouraged and unsettled by these answers.
also I think it’s time I try to read all of the Baynes/Wilhelm I Ching translation so that I’m not attempting divination half in the dark.
perhaps, wrt feeling like writing doesn’t matter any more, what’s important is that I act and write as though it does matter. which, again, I worry will only make me feel crazy. while attempting to pull off a personal revolution, I hope I can recognize the times where retreat is called for.
